i found an electric light orchestra cd at bookmans and all of their songs are so fun and catchy even though the lyrics are a little bleak sometimes. so, basically, my kind of music. 

i love them.

last night craig had a gun and he chased me all the way to the pacific ocean. i tried turning into a dragon made of gold and flying away to space but i had the feeling if i looked back he’d still be on the horizon with the gun, and i was getting so exhausted. i used all my tricks, phasing through walls and flying and crawling through tangles of buildings and forest, but he was always right behind me, and he hit me in the leg once when i wasn’t fast enough.

i’ve been in flagstaff for several days! practicing living alone in the apartment with taylor, furnishing it, getting ourselves established in the area, arranging my campus id and stuff like that. we ended up not talking to any strangers, but we did check out the gym right by the apartment and we watched a lot of movies and played like five games of card wars. and i read through eighteen of my grandpa’s magazines.

my bed is comfortable, and the room is comfortable, and i love the soft ambient light that comes through my window, but my nightmares were pretty terribly vivid and i woke up a lot. i waited until hours later today, when i was at home and eating a bowl of pasta, to cry quietly. i don’t know how to deal with the monster in my dreams. i didn’t deal with him in real life except to distance myself from him. confronting him hasn’t worked. talking to other people about it in the dream doesn’t help, they never see anything wrong with the situation. leaving hasn’t worked. 

i don’t even have the time or privacy to crawl through the grody mcdonalds playplaces and cry in my dreams. 

living with taylor was nice. we both are very low-energy people. we walked and ran errands in the mornings and then took naps and sat quietly in the afternoons, and we had some cooking mishaps but nothing that damaged the meals, and we both sat awake talking with the lights off every night. adding maranda to the mix might make me a little more tense, since i’m not very open with her, but i think we can make this work, especially once we get the super nintendo up there. 

last night i was laying with my eyes closed when taylor spoke up. “thanks for being so candid with your, you know, problems,” she said. 

"got nothing else to talk about really," i replied with my face half in the pillow. 

i thanked her for being easy to talk to and she went to sleep. writing this journal has helped me be more open about my feelings, definitely. i guess i didn’t realize it extended to conversation, too. i guess now that i’m so used to dumping this garbage out in the open, it’s easier to look at. i’ve seen a lot of ugly stuff, and the ugliest stuff isn’t really bad, just really sad i guess, so it’s not as scary to show other people, even though sometimes i forget they’ve never looked at that kind of thing before. but overall being open has been helpful, i hope.

taylor and i were watching army of darkness

me: “is this dark souls”

taylor: “oh my god”