if i was a dragon, tell me in my ask box what you think i would hoard as my treasure :-0
i didn’t sleep well last night. i won’t sleep well tonight.
i got embarrassed when i talked to the psychiatrist yesterday. i told him i was still having nightmares and then i said it was mostly just me talking to people and feeling bad and then he kinda laughed and said those weren’t nightmares, nightmares are when you’re panicking and running from monsters and stuff, and i kind of stammered and said i have those too.
i guess they make me feel bad because i feel so trapped in my own head. there’s so much garbage clanging around in there. i always feel sick, even in my dreams. i’m so tired of it. i would take meds to stop having nightmares, but i don’t know if i can live life without being stuck in my head. i’d almost rather, like, kill myself than not have any dreams at all. like, either have two lives and both of them just… bleh, or no life? maybe i should go pet my dog again.
ugh i hate being depressed it seriously prevents me from enjoying even just being clean and having my nails done with my grandma. how am i supposed to do, let alone enjoy doing, my homework if i can’t even relax doing stuff that is relaxing. emily gave me more adventure time comics and i wasn’t even happy reading those, even though they were good and i knew they were good.
the pedicure lady made my toes and thumb bleed again though. i hate having my cuticles and everything pulled off even though now my nails feel so much sturdier and less gunky. i even got to have my nails painted sparkly space blue.
going outside, getting exercise, eating a meal all don’t help even though those are supposed to help. i still have a hazy headache. maybe i’ll sit downstairs and have some cookies. even if it won’t make me feel better, at least it’ll taste good. then after that i’ll write a few paragraphs and see if i can’t get this story to pick up and feel alive again. the story’s about two-thirds done-ish… and i’ve filled two-thirds of my allotted space. it’ll get done on time. i’m worried about whether or not other people will like it though.